Am I the only one who cries whenever someone criticize my taste of music? yep, someone just laugh at my favorite song. And she's not just anyone. She's not my friend nor my enemy but the lady who made me. My mom. I never let anyone not even my friends hear my favorite songs from my not-so-popular favorite band. But since their my family, I made an exception. Turns out they're are as judgmental as every shallow human being I've known.

 The way she said and just laughed at it made me cry. Tears just suddenly flowed on my cheeks. I'm trying to hide them but my spoiled sister of mine, who keeps on complaining about everything, seem to notice. I just kept quite for the rest of the ride.

I know I'm being too emotional about this but I just can't help it.

I've been thinking. How about I post some pictures about fashion on my lookbook? It's been like months since I made an acccount. And what I've always been doing is looking at people's fashion pictures. Then it hit me. How about I post some of my own. We never know I can get a lot of hypes. This idea actually started because of someone I idolized on lookbook. Nadia Esra. I'm inspired at how she do things. She's one of the reasons why I started blogging. And I've always wanted to do things like play piano, have a fashion blog, learn photography, make your own style, go to places and play with your dog. Actually I can't do the "play with your dog" cause my dog just died. I know it's sad but I have to move on and make another wishlist other than that. How about learning how to play guitar or ukelele. I'd love that. 

I'm thinking of starting it tomorrow. Oops. I guess I can't. Moerlein just chatted me on facebook. He wants to do our little hang out last last saturday again. I want to say no but I can't. God! I sucked at this.

I am caught between two worlds. Kidding. I'm just being emotional. Ever get that feeling when you want to stay at home and at the same time go out and have fun? I do! I wanna stay and read my currently favorite book, percy jackson and the olympians, but I don't wanna miss the fun. I know my friends are gonna chika about it tomorrow and I'm like OP. You know "out of place". And I don't like that. I felt guilty about not doing my duty like diligently practice our dance and help them sincerely with their project. Ugh! This is so hard.

Reasons why I don't wanna go:
-embarrassed about what I've done infront of my crush last saturday
-I wanna stay and read all day
-I don't wanna waste my money
-I need to make the water rocket project
-woke up late
-my cousin paid a visit
-I don't know where duke's place is

Reasons why I wanna go:
-my crush just sent me a text saying "Anhi na sa practice - vynce ni"
-my bestfriend keeps on sending text messages encouraging me to "apas"
-my other bestfriend just called
-guilty
-my classmates are having fun at THE Vista Grande

And yes! Majority wins

Yesterday was so chaotic. Yesterday was the milo olympics cheer dance competition. It was hot, wet and wild. Not in a pleasurable way. Really. It was literally hot when we paraded from USC SC to Abellana Sports Complex. Literally wet when the cheer dance competition started cause the rain finally decided to pour down on us. And literally wild with all the shouting and cheering and rooting for school's representatives. It was a little messy and a lot more smelly. I mean it. Smelly. I can smell the sweat from every body I came contact with. The smell of poop of a cat or a dog. I don't know. All I know is that I'm pissed off with my friends and the claustraphobic seats. I'm kind of pissed off of how my friends left me alone. Good thing I found my old friends along the way. Marie Jo and Ferlin. I missed them so much. I missed hanging out with them. I missed laughing hard and crazily with them. The last time I was really with them was 2 years ago. Can you imagine that? I bet you don't. Well that's all I have to say :)

Today was the best and at the same time worst day of my life. 

The best because I get to see courses at the college department of USC-TC. It was really an enjoyable adventure I've ever had(I'm still undecided). And I had a great time with my friends. We got wet in the rain which I didn't like at first. We get to experience their so-called safe haven "coffee dream". We're supposed to go to cupcaken but their unfortunately closed. And lastly, we get to see the crib of hospitable mike 'cause we're supposed to pratice which by the way didn't end well but it's okay, my lovely handsome crush was there.

The worst because I didn't get to have or reserved my favorite, suitable and elegant gown for our school's "buwan ng wika". I cried really hard after knowing that their already closed. I don't know why I just suddenly burst into tears. Maybe because of all the stress I have gone through that day. Or maybe I'm just hungry. I don't know why. All I know was that my dad got angry and my mom got mad. And then everything was a blur. Everything happened and then BAM! here I am typing this god forsaken keyboard writing this emotional blog hoping against hope that someone might understand.

I can't believe I survived that. Going home together with my ex since we live in the same place(not house). It was so awkward. And what is he doing at my school? Does that mean he has girlfriend that studies in San Carlos. Oh God! I can't believe I'm jealous. I thought I'm over him but everytime I see him I act like a big idiot. I'm only being idiot and awkward and nervous whenever someone I love is near me *shocks* that means to say I'm still in love with him. NOOOOOOOO. I can't believe this is happening. And the thought that he is with someone makes me wanna die. 

The moment I saw him, all these unanswered questions came crashing unto me. Questions like "Did you love me when we were still together?" or "Did you just dated me for the sake of your friends?" or "Did you ever felt guilty for breaking my heart into pieces? and lastly "Did you dated my bestfriend on purpose just to make me jealous and hurt?"

That moment, all I could think of was "Act Cool" and "Act like you don't know him". God! Why do I keep on reminiscing memories from 4 years ago? Why can't I just move on like him? :(

Okay, I came here to say that I've found another addictive series. It was totally awesome. And every unpopular teenager can relate to it(that includes me).

It's a story about a girl who became instantly popular because people mistakes her accident as suicide attempt.  I love how this movie surprises you with shocking revelations or makes you laugh at sarcastic conversations or be awed at their sweet moments. I love how I can relate to it. A loser who wants to fit in and has a crush on a popular guy. A girl who blogs about what she feels and keep things to herself. That is so like me.

Anyway, I'm dead for not making my project. I instead wasted my weekend by watching this awesome series. I gotta go
ciao!

Hi! today's sunday and I have a really tiring project to make but I'm procrastinating so help me God.

Yesterday was awesome. I had a really great time with my friends. I was really expecting for my crush to be here but he didn't showed up. I know it's sad but that's the reality. What we did was watching a movie, eating and taking pictures mostly it was eating. And for one day my money was KABOOM! I spent all my money just to entertain them and everything. And I really need to save for tomorrow and for my gown on buwan ng wika. I don't know what to do. I have this little habit of spending my money to things that are useless. Like Rebecca Bloomwood from "Confessions of a Shopaholic"

I was puzzled and afraid that my parents won't be hospitable enough since there are a lot of boys coming over. And my parents are not used to this things(boys coming over). Actually I didn't know they were coming. It was only girls day out but clarice invited them so I was really pressured especially when she mentioned that my crush is coming too. But so far it turned out great. My parents weren't really that mean but I hope they didn't saw morlein smoking(crossed fingers). 

Oh here are the pictures:

 

Red Velvet, Cookies n' Cream, Choco Chip Dough

there's a lot more but I chose not to post it heeeeeeee

Finally! exam's over! I can now finally use my laptop. My parents confiscated my laptop on the first day of exam :( that's why I didn't blog for the past few days.

Anyway, what I was trying to say is I finally learned that not all boys are good and faithful. I knew this when I had a girls day out. All they talked  about was boys, boys and boys. And suddenly they talked about my crush. About how he dates with two girls at the same time. And you couldn't imagine what I felt the minute I heard it. Even his friends do too. It was hard to believe that that angelic face can do something like that. But I still love him though(secretly). 

Me and my girls always go out and have fun. Even exam can't stop us from going to 7/11. Most people desperately go there just to have a taste of slurpee. I didn't like it that much or maybe because I chose the wrong flavor. anyway, we had a great time and no one got caught of our sneaky escapade. hihi :>

Okay so this is all that but I'll probably blog later cause my friends are coming over so yea xoxo

Why are parents so goddamn demanding? They keep on pressuring you, expecting you to do their every bidding. I've tried all my very best not to disappoint them. I've tried very hard to listen and obey them. Tried very hard with all my will not to burst in tears or madness especially when they didn't gave me the FREEDOM of going to a  friend's birthday party. They kept on nagging and complaining of how irresponsible I am. I wanted to shout or tell someone about this but no one listens not even my little sister who is so full of herself.

I'm so sorry about all this. I couldn't think of another way to vent out my frustrations. Blogging is my only way of telling someone about my problems.

I've had the long, worst, busy, lonely and stressful day. I can't remember most of it. It feels like a week instead of a day. So here's how it goes...

Today's the first friday of the month so it's a club day. We're supposed to have an acquaintance party so I brought 3 packs of "chicharon". But when I got to the classroom, no one's there. And so me, Adrian and that 3rd yr. girl kept looking for mr. Silab. And then after awhile both of them suddenly want and went to audition for himig pinoy. I mean can't they just be contented with one club? I got so frustrated that I talk to one of the most silent guy I ever met. He's also one of the melody makers who got lost. We looked and asked teachers where mr. Silab is and told us that the melody makers are having their song practice at the chapel. And at last we're home(not really). And then the acquaintance happened. It wasn't really that good but at least I get to eat a PIZZA! And then our club moderator dismiss us so early that my friends are still in their clubs. I've never felt this lonely in my entire life. I've been roaming around watching people having fun. Good thing books are there to comfort me. So I wasted my free time reading books that I suddenly forgot the time. I rushed out of the library into our classroom only to find no one.

On my way home, I saw these bunch of guys watching another guy torturing a black cat. I was really shocked to see how the guy was holding the tail then banging it against the floor like it's just made of wood. Why are they doing this to a precious cat who didn't even do anything wrong. I hate people abusing animals. FOR GOD'S SAKE, FIND YOUR HUMANITY PEOPLE!!

I'm already stressed from ACCIDENTALLY flunking my practical test on computer. I'm tired of all this BULLSHIT!

hi! it's been a month since I last blogged. I've been so busy with school. And everybody,
teachers, parents, relatives, friends and even a stranger, is pressuring me about what course will I take. I'm so stressed and busy with 4th year life that I can't even upload or blog for a minute. I can't even read my favorite novel because I don't have the free time to read it. So many projects, assignments, and presentations. I don't even have time for myself. I don't have time for anything. And a lot of things happened in my life for the past few days or rather past few weeks. Unfortunately, I can't sum up everything that happened in one blog so I'm just gonna put those in the next blog. 

Anyway, there's something that's been bothering me since the first day of school. It's about college. Everybody's talking about their future while here I am still undecided. I don't know what to do after I graduate. And if i don't decide now my parents will. They want me to be a medical technologists like my cousins, like follow their footsteps. And I don't even like to study medical courses. What am I gonna do?

I'm like Annie Braddock from the "Nanny Diaries". 

She's fresh from college who is confused about her future. Her mom wants her to have a positition at the business world but all she wants is to be an anthropologists. And so what she did was escape the real world and become an inexperienced nanny. She got so attached to her employer's son that she almost forgot about her future. But after awhile she finally made a decision to pursue her dream. 

I really goddamn wish it would be that easy but it's not. Even the word college still scares me. please people, help meeeeeeeeeeeee