Wednesday happenings

Now I understand what most people quote. Especially the one about being happy and then something bad happened afterwards. Cause apparently, that's what happened to me last Wednesday.

I was so giddy and lively and energetic at that time. I don't know why. I made funny comebacks and jokes. I thought I was sweet and lovely. I felt radiating. And then it got out of hand. When I realized what a complete idiot I was, I  tried to stay calm. But then it got so confusing. I started having both ways. I was overwhelmed by what was happening around me that I decided to just let it be. And then I suddenly handled it perfectly. Like I was a mature person. Fit to be graceful. But then it hindered something I wanted. Something my friend took. And so I got bitter. When I got home I decided to just be grateful. Be happy. After all, you don't get to have that chance everyday. And so I again felt lovely. But it immediately disappeared just by a few words from the very lips of my father. I felt awful. Like I'm a complete disappointment. Worthless. And then it got horrible when my mother joined in the club of misery. I was so down that I began to sulk. Like a child. AGAIN.

And that's how I realized you can't have it both ways. What must have been perfect is bound to be destroyed. Devastating as it is. That is how life works. And you're gonna have to deal with it. Confusing as my blog seems.

Too Good

Why can't I seem to stop from doing extra things for ungrateful people. When actually everything is for naught. I always felt guilty like I have to pay some kind of debt. I can't stop thinking that I must do something to make those near me happy. And those people have done nothing for me. All they did was take me for granted and made me feel like a worthless person. I'm not even sure if my college friends are true and real. If they can be there for me when I needed it just like how I was for them.

A New Hobby

Have you ever get that feeling like you just knew that there's something you need to find? Well, i get that a lot but right now it's becoming worse. It's really intense. I'm obsessed about this. This music. I don't what it is but I get the feeling that if I'll just listen to a couple of music I've heard a few days or months ago, I'll be able to finally find it. Is this wrong? Am I developing some kind of psychiatric disorder? Cause really, I know it's creepy but I just can't help myself.

I had a psychology class last sem and thanks to my great teacher I learn a lot of things from it. He said that a disorder has something to do with an obsession that is done repeatedly. But he also told me that it is not abnormal to have an obsession as long as it does not cause a problem to another individual.

Therefore, I conclude that I am not crazy but that doesn't mean it's not unusual. I'll just have to figure this all out. Until then this obsession of mine will be just a passion. After all, we all need a hobby, right?